The lucky one?

In the morning , I felt like the luckiest girl on earth.I felt so lucky because this aunty who is a friend of my mum's gave me a lot of hand-me-down clothes.And I was so delighted because the clothes are all fairly new,some of which she hardly wore,as they were all hiding in the cupboard of hers.So I went back and checked some of the clothes out and there was this dress that looks like a Ceongsam,except that it is not a Cheongsam.

So I was trying out the clothes,she did give me some formal clothes so that I could wear them for university too.And then,she gave me this beautiful dress,it had a floral design.The dress looks like a British maiden dress.It was like one of those dresses where you wore for an English tea party.

And I decided at once that I need to wear it for tonight's dinner in my house.I looked lovely of course,all the guests were complimenting me.I think it was because of the dress.It was a perfect fit for me,and it was a long dress.

The night went well with the arrival of the guests and then it came to dinnertime,where we were all chatting.And I had a debate with uncle Peter,the Sweeden guy regarding fussiness and food.And I gave arguments that were not supporting my stance,and so he said "You've got your facts mixed up,you don't know the obvious and the non-obvious".Nobody was on my side,I think after they listened to uncle Peter reason out things,they were scared to be on the losing side which was my side.And though I gave my points,in the ultimate end I knew that he won the argument,and even he smiled and  said "I think so too".

There was another uncle too,and he was giving hypothetical situations,(I won't mention in detail here),but I was basically questioning him,and arguing before he could finish his sentence.Oops,it's a habit of mine.

And then he said to me,"You're very receptive,and you're very intelligent".And then he said "You'll go far in life".

And I was quiet for that moment,for I thought of my life,how I came up to this point in my life?

Did he actually know what I was going through?

For a while,I felt lucky.Because not many people will tell that you're intelligent,not that I want self praise from others,but it gives you this really good feeling.But that feeling soon disappeared as only I knew how much I deserve that compliment.

No,he didn't know what I was going through,and if he knew about me,I doubt that he would say the same thing again.

I've been thinking about friends lately.My friends,and how I perceived what a friend is.

It's hard to accept that some good friends are so far away from you.And when you meet up with them,time passes by so fast,it's almost the end of any reunion!

Yes,good friends are very far away from you,and I mean in terms of distance.

And all those who live so near me,are all what I say 'okay-okay' friends only.But really,it is surprising,those who are so close to me are so far away.Those who are near,are just ordinary friends(the lepaking friends I say).

That is all what I have to stay.Oh yes and a good friend whom I met in university,she lives in Penang(that is so far away).

It's been a while since I've written.

This question arised as I read Fortune's Rocks by Anita Shreve.The plot revolves around a young girl who falls in love with a much older man,his age almost similar to her father's age.It was Olympia's beauty that made Haskell's desire hunger for it.She is beautiful as the author describes it.Terrifying.But I kept thinking about it.In the book,it was Haskell who made his first approach to Olympia.He stared at her during dinnertime,and it was a penetrating gaze as Shreve describes.

I reread the book a few times,so much so that I know the storyline.So much so that when I look at things or situation,I would relate it with this book.Because of this knowledge,I believed in fear that such a thing could happen to me.

Fear because I am already 20,an adult,I dare not say a young lady because a young lady could be a teenager.I am a woman,I can't even say young woman any more.Young has already been used too many times before.

This fear developed after the first incident that I encountered in my young life (back then).Well,maybe last year that I was talking to this guy who is 25 years old.And then he said those words that seemed perfectly normal to him,but to me it wasn't."You're very beautiful".And it was serious,not in a joking way.

It was then that this fear was real.I never encountered something like that before.It was so straight forward and yet so piercing?

And yet it was like in Fortune's Rocks where Haskell told her about her beauty:that made him desire her.

Scary I think.For a moment,I could only think of this world as mad.Yes,a mad mad world.How is it possible to read a book,indulge in it,and suddenly it is all real.It's happening,not like the exact same way but in an almost similar manner.

It's disturbing.When you read a book,and when you are so in love with the book,it becomes a part of you.And it happens so sudden,that for a moment,the only thing that came to my mind was

"OMG,tell me this is not true".