You know these past few days have been hard for me.There were times where I didn't know what to do,times where I needed someone to talk to.There were times where loneliness surrounded me and all I wanted at that time was power.
I wanted to have the ability to speak Malay just as good as those Malay students.But the problem was Malay was my second language.English was my first.It made me feel bad in comparison with the other Malay students because the spoke well,they probably didn't have to think before they spoke because they were already familiar with words already.I on the other hand hard to think of words,I had to think hard actually.
Another hindrance was the fact that I didn't know anyone except maybe a few of the Malay boys.The rest practically knew each other because some were in the same course,and the worst part I felt was that there wasn't any non-malay there.I was the only one.Being unique does make you feel special,but at times when you are too different from the rest,you don't want to feel unique.You want to blend in with the rest eventhough you're an Indian.
The worst part is when you know you are going to have a crush on somebody.That just scares the shit of of me.It feels so weak to be easily gullible.I had that.Seriously and I was afraid,very afraid that I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings.Right now,I wished I had a boyfriend,so that I had the feeling I had the best already because when you not in a relationship with the opposite sex,feelings develop and you can't control them.
But in all that I do-I hope that Christ will be there to strengthen me.All I nee is his infinite power to help a weak soul like me.
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